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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28837926">Blinded by Feelings</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/imwithtony/pseuds/imwithtony'>imwithtony</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Emotional, Eventual Smut, Happy Ending, Idiots in Love, M/M, Men Crying, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Trans Male Character, Trans Tony Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 13:49:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,207</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28837926</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/imwithtony/pseuds/imwithtony</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony doesn’t think he’s good enough for Peter for a whole host of reasons. Peter thinks Tony hates him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Peter Parker/Tony Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>42</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey guys! I’ll be adding more tags as I write. Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The public had known for years that Tony was trans. He had come out in his late twenties, much to the dismay of Obie. But Obie was gone now, and Tony somehow felt even more constrained then before, now that he was an Avenger. It was always “he was born a woman, so he’s weaker” or “he’s too emotional for the job”. And Tony was fucking sick of it. He was sick of being treated as though he was lesser than. He was sick of people calling him a slut because he liked sex. And he was really fucking sick of people calling him by his dead name. So fucking sick of it all.</p><p>So he acquired an intern. He was young and smart and possibly the sweetest person he’d ever met. The exact opposite of him. He couldn’t think of a single person who didn’t love Peter Parker. Himself included. He was straight and cis and cute and was absolutely everything Tony wished he could be.The public raved about him and about how sweet he was constantly. And the praise only furthered when Peter revealed himself as Spider-Man.</p><p>Part of him was happy for Peter. How could he not be? Peter was getting all the positive attention from the media that Tony could only dream of. But in the very back of his brain lurked the green monster of jealousy. God, Peter had it so easy. He didn’t grow up in the public eye. People didn’t sneer and spit on him in the streets. People didn’t hate him for who he was. So subconsciously, Tony started to push him away. He sent Peter to work with Bruce, wallowing in his own self pity as he threw himself at his work. Even Pepper had begun to worry, but he pushed her away too, unwilling to admit that he wanted to be Peter. He wanted to be young and strong and born in the right body, for god’s sake. And he hated himself for it.</p><p>And it certainly didn’t help that Bruce was sending him daily emails telling him about Peter moping and asking if he was mad at him. That didn’t help at all. Tony never replied. How would he anyway? Yes, I hate that you’re perfect and I’m not but I want to be around you all the time? Tony couldn’t bare to make Peter upset. But he didn’t know which was worse. Telling Peter the truth or leaving him in the dark. So he wallowed in his own self hatred until the next week, when Bruce was scheduled to check his hormone levels in his lab. And of course he had to bring Peter with him. Traitor. Tony kept his eyes trained on the floor, only speaking to answer Bruce’s questions. That is, until Peter asked a question of his own. </p><p>“Mr. Stark? Are you feeling alright? You’re awfully quiet today. We could do this some other day this week if that would be better for you.”</p><p>“No. I just want to get it over with.”<br/>
Peter nodded and went back to tapping away on his tablet. Bruce continued to prepare him to take a sample. </p><p>“Peter, could you go set up the lab for this sample?”<br/>
“Of course, Dr. Banner.”</p><p>Once Peter had left the room, Bruce looked at Tony with stern eyes.<br/>
“What?”</p><p>“You could at least try to be nice to him. I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but as far as I know, he’s done nothing.”</p><p>“That’s the problem. He’s done nothing wrong and yet I can’t bring myself to like him.”</p><p>“Tony, you were the one that hired him! How can you not like him anymore?”</p><p>“You wouldn’t understand.”</p><p>“Try me. Because you and Peter have more in common than you think.”</p><p>“I doubt it,” Tony said as Bruce finished taking his sample. </p><p>“Why don’t you come up to my lab. Next week Wednesday.”</p><p>“Bruce, if I wanted to be around Peter I would have him in my lab. He’s in yours for a reason.”</p><p>“I just think you should give him another chance. He really looks up to you and wishes you would be willing to spend more time with him.”</p><p>“Half the damn world looks up to what I’ve done. That’s nothing special.”</p><p>“You misunderstand me. Come Wednesday. Or I’ll tell Pepper to bring you on Wednesday.”</p><p>“Ugh. Fine. Just don’t drag Pepper into this. She’s mad enough at me over this already.”</p><p>Tony huffs as he locks the door of his lab behind Bruce.<br/>
“Blasted hormones. Fuck this.”</p><p>He already felt like crap for ignoring Peter. Why did everyone else have to make him feel worse? It was as if he didn’t hate himself already. It wasn’t his fault that his brain was riddled with anxiety. Tony kicked the trash over just to watch Dum-E pick it up again. Tony rolled his eyes. Dum-E needed the practice anyway.<br/>
Tony felt helpless. For once in his life, his god damn brain didn’t know the solution to a problem. Probably because it had nothing to do with mathematics. Regardless, he knew at least one person who could talk him through this. </p><p>“Rhodey?”</p><p>“Haven’t heard from you in a while, Tones. You ok?”</p><p>“Yes. No. Kinda. Not really.”</p><p>“Tell me. If you don’t, I’m gonna send momma over to the tower to make sure you’re alright.”</p><p>“No! I don’t need her to come out of her way.”</p><p>“Tony, coming to see you is not out of her way. She loves you as though you were her son. Sometimes more than she loves me.”</p><p>Tony huffed out a laugh. That much was true. Momma Rhodes did love her Tony.<br/>
“So tell me what’s going on.”</p><p>“It’s a long story.”</p><p>"Tell me."</p><p>"You've met my intern, Peter, right?"</p><p>"Yes. Spider-Man."</p><p>"Yes. He's too good for me. I wasn't good enough to be his mentor. So I passed him onto Bruce."</p><p>"Why? I thought Peter adored you."</p><p>"He did. Does. But I’m not good enough for him. He should have someone else to look up to. Someone that isn't damaged like me. Someone who is actually comfortable in their own body."      </p><p>"Tony. Do you seriously think that Peter cares about that?"</p><p>"I don't know. But he should have a mentor that doesn't have complications with their bodies."</p><p>"Are you aware of what you just said? Bruce is the literal Hulk. I don't know if there's any clearer of a definition of bodily complications."</p><p>"But-"</p><p>"But nothing, Tony. He likes you just the way you are. If he didn't, he would've said something by now."</p><p>"Why are you so logical?"</p><p>"Because I'm older than you. Now go apologize to Peter and explain yourself."</p><p>"Can you do it for me?"</p><p>"No, Tones. You gotta do this yourself. Call me after and tell me how it went. Ok?"</p><p>"Yes sir."</p><p>"Bye Tones. Everything is going to be fine."</p><p>"Bye Rhodey."</p><p>Tony hung up the phone and proceeded to pace the length of his lab, pondering what Rhodey had said.<br/>
He thought about how he had treated Peter. He thought about how Peter must feel. He thought about how Pepper had told him that what he was doing was wrong. He sank down into the couch in his lab and began to cry. He felt shitty and miserable. He knew that he had treated Peter terribly, and part of him never wanted to be forgiven. Peter should never forgive him. Would not forgive him. This realization made him cry harder. He loved Peter so much, but there was no way that he would feel the same way. Eventually, his tears slowed and exhaustion took over his body. He allowed his eyes to close, drifting off to sleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Peter was fourteen, he had been bitten by a radioactive spider. It had been the best thing to ever happen to him. His body gained muscle and any fat remaining from his childhood had disappeared. When he was fifteen, he was given an internship at Stark Industries working for Tony Stark. Of course, the internship was a disguise for him being Spider-Man, but regardless, Peter had gotten a job working for the man he had idolized since he was a child. </p><p>And somehow, four years later, he had managed to fuck it up. Tony Stark hated him. It had started out a few months after he turned nineteen. Tony had gone from being open and friendly to being colder and closed off. He stopped joking around with Peter. He stopped asking about his day or his patrols. He stopped asking if Peter needed help with his projects in the lab. He stopped inviting Peter to dinner with him and the rest of the Avengers. But most of all, he had started to avoid Peter. </p><p>And for the first time since Peter had been bitten, he felt helpless. The man he admired most hated him. He hadn’t even been there when Peter was announced to be Spider-Man. And he was at his induction to the Avengers only for the press conference. He hadn’t even made an appearance at the after party. </p><p>And sure, working with Bruce was great. He had admired Bruce since he had taken an interest in science. But it wasn’t the same. Bruce didn’t joke around like Tony did. He didn’t make sarcastic comments or silly puns. He didn’t smack him with the fly swatter on occasion to be annoying. And he wasn’t Tony. </p><p>So he had given up. He stopped trying to engage in conversations. He stopped trying to tell Tony about the classes he was taking at NYU. He stopped telling him about the funny things that Ned said or about the witty comments from MJ. He stopped telling him about the threats from Aunt May, or about how his highschool bulky Flash was trying to suck his dick online. He just stopped. Because Tony didn’t care anymore. </p><p>And it broke Peter from the inside. Tony had been like his father figure at first. He had been the only one (besides Ned) to know about his secret identity. He had been the first one to care about his suit. He had made Peter his first real suit. As Peter got older, he had transformed from a father figure to a mentor to a friend. Or so he thought. </p><p>Bruce constantly tried to convince Peter that Tony didn’t hate him. That Tony was just going through something, or that Tony was just being Tony and was pushing everyone away again. But that wasn’t true. Tony wasn’t pushing away Pepper. Or Rhodey. Or Bruce, for that matter. Tony wasn’t even pushing Steve away, and Steve actually annoyed him. The only person he was pushing away was Peter. </p><p>It kept Peter up at night. He developed dark circles under his eyes. He became less social. He started spending more time away from the tower at his Aunt May’s apartment. He figured that if he spent more time away that he would be more bearable for Tony to be around when they had to be in the same room. That didn’t seem to help. Tony had even stopped training with the rest of the Avengers when Peter was there. Even Steve grew concerned and asked Peter what had happened between them. He had suggested that Peter maybe talk it out with Sam. </p><p>So he did. He trusted Sam not to tell anyone else. He told him about how Tony had shut him out. He told him about how it made him feel. He told him about the anxiety that he got from thinking about it. About how he started spending more time away from the tower just so Tony would even look at him again. In the end, he had ended up sitting across from Sam sobbing because he just wanted things to go back to the way they were. He wanted the relationship he used to have with Tony. He wanted it so bad that he would do practically anything just to get Tony to even talk to him. </p><p>Sam had stayed with him while he cried and tried to comfort him. He told Peter that Tony had a tendency to shut people out without reasoning. That it wasn’t his fault. That Tony would come around eventually. That it would all be ok. Peter wanted to believe him, he really did. But he just couldn’t find himself believing anything that Sam told him. Because logically, Sam made perfect sense. But feelings weren’t logical. </p><p>Peter constantly tried to rationalize it in his head. Maybe Tony was mad that he had chosen to stay in the city and go to NYU instead of MIT. Maybe Peter had annoyed him with his constant chatter in the lab. Or maybe Tony had just had enough of Peter. Or maybe he could read minds and knew how Peter really felt about him and got freaked out. </p><p>Maybe he knew Peter liked him. And oh god, that last one made Peter’s heart break. Because if Tony knew, that meant that Tony really didn’t like him at all. So much so that he didn’t even want to be in the same room as him. And that broke Peter from the inside.</p>
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